Tuesday, December 07, 2004


As in Twitty, not as in Conway buckles.

About 17-18 years ago, I was in full cowboy mode. I wore big hats, dusters, stockman's coats, cowboy boots and big belt buckles everywhere. Yes, I am well aware now that I looked like an idiot then, but this is just to give an idea.

I was at a local truck stop one day, for reasons that escape me now. I, of course, had on a superwidebrimwilliambarrettravis hat, cowboy boots and of course a huge belt buckle. As I was walking towards the door, an absolutely stunning woman came walking in and walked past me towards the restaurant. I think I can safely say that if she wasn't the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my life up until then, she was damn close. So I stood there befuddled with my mouth agape. Of course she swept on by without even noticing me, or if she did, it was probably only to think "Gawd, what a dork."

As I stood there, transfixed by the vision that had passed me by, I became aware of a sawed-off little runt with a perm giving me the evil eye. It was like there was a stormcloud over his head. He looked pissed. If looks could kill I would have been a dead man a hundred times over. It was a look of pure contempt, disgust, scorn and just about any other negative thing you can think of, all rolled into one.

It took me a second to realize that he was with the young lady who had so captivated me a moment before. Of course my only thought was "you little sh*t, whats your problem?"

It took another second or two for me to say to myself "hmmmp, I wonder if anybody's ever told that little runt he looks like Conway Twitty?"

I shook the cobwebs out of my brain and headed for the door and as I walked across the parking lot I was greeted by the sight of a huge tour bus on the other side of my truck with "Twitty Bird" painted on the side.

To this day I have no idea who the girl was, whether she was Conway's wife, daughter, girlfriend or what, but I figure she had to be one of the three to earn the look he gave me.