Sunday, December 05, 2004

Ray Stevens in Wildwood

I mentioned this in my previous post, so I'll get to the story now.

This whole thing came up when we were sitting around talking last night and I said something about seeing Conway Twitty at a truckstop several years ago. Donald piped up and said "Did I ever tell you about the time me an' my cousin Stacy met Ray Stevens?"

I of course told him no, so he proceeded to tell this tale, which I relate in the nearest proximity to his own words that I can muster.

Me an' Stacy was over in Wildwood and stopped in t' git gas when we seed this big ole gold limousine with a white top come pullin' in.

I looked over thar and seen the feller in the back seat and tole Stacy, "Hey! that's Ray Stevens in that car! "

Stacy said "Bullshit!" And I said "I'll betcha twenty dollars it is." Stacy said "alright, we'll jist walk over thar an' ask him who he is."

We walked over t' car and I pecked on the winder. He rolled the winder down and I said, "excuse me sir, but who are you?"

He said, "Hah! Who'd you think I am?" Jist like that. And I said "you're Ray Stevens ain'tcha?" And he laughed and said yes he was.

The first words outta Stacy's mouth was "You're fulla shit! Lemme see your drivers license!"
Donald swore vehemently amid all of our laughter and snorts of derision that these were the exact words.

He got out of the car, pulled out his wallet and started huntin' fer it. He pulled out a wad o' cash that'd choke a mule and pulled out a wad o' credit cards that'd choke another'un. He kept saying I know it's here somewhar and I finally said "sir we'll accept any major credit card whats got your name on it."

And whilst all this was goin' on this big ole feller about seven foot tall what looked like Mr. Kleen, shaved head and ear ring both, had somehow or another got up behind us and was standing right over my shoulder. I don't know how in the world he got that close to us without me knowin' it.
It was never said, but Donald implied the Mr. Kleen lookalike was Mr. Steven's driver or bodyguard.

This is probably not a funny reading it as it is to hear Donald tell it. Donald is a tall gangly looking feller with an voice similiar to Arthur Hunnicutt's. I can honestly say that he is probably one of the best tale tellers I've ever had the privilege of listening to. As far as that goes, half the crowd that was there are pretty good storytellers, but Donald could put Foxworthy to shame.