Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Y'know how most people, when they first get email, think they should forward every stupid joke in the world to you? Never pausing to think that everybody in the free world has already read it?

Sometimes one finds a gem amongst the drivel, such was the case yesterday, when someone sent me this (which is moderately funny)

Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine", said Kathy Micken,
professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity are:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2. Grape Expectations

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

I sent this to my darling bride since it was, after all, moderately funny. Today I got an email from one of her friends that she sent it to;

Wal-Mart wine - who'da thunk it? Sounds divine and it's great that it can be served with either red or white meat, but I do need to clarify one thing... Is it appropriate with my favorite MYSTERY MEATS - such as SPAM and Vienna sausages? Also, what about organ meats? The brains of the tree-rat are the best part. Downside - you need a couple of dozen squirrels to make a 'mess.'

To which I replied;

It is perfectly acceptable to serve Chateau Traileur Parc with either SPAM or Vienna sausages, however it has been determined by Wal-Mart's crack research team that it goes best with potted meat.

I wonder if it comes in a box or a bottle with a screw cap?

And for the record, Spam is NOT a mystery meat. Spam was in fact, one of my favorite foods (fried of course) before I got married. My darling bride won't let me eat fried Spam and biscuits anymore. I am sometimes able to sneak a fried bologna biscuit from the Favorite Market, but those occasions are becoming more rare.

Now that I've grossed out both of my loyal readers, I'll shut up now.