Old Spice

It has been a slow awakening, but I have recently came to a scary realization about myself.

I first saw the signs a couple of years ago, the first one being my attitude towards what passes for fashion amongst the teenage crowd. I surprised myself (and my bride) one day when the words "If that was my daughter, I'll be damned if I'd let her leave the house dressed like that." escaped from my lips. As soon as I said it I thought "What in the hell is wrong with me? I should be leering at girls dressed like that!" Maybe I was subconsciously trying to convey to my darling bride that I only have eyes for her? At any rate, the fact I made such a statement began to weigh on my mind.

Especially when I realized that I meant it.

Another thing that got me to thinking is my choice of wardrobe. I normally wear a tie at work, sort of business casual... except on the weekends, when I dress like Junior Samples in bib overalls and ballcap. There was a time I wouldn't be caught dead in bib overalls. Ballcaps? Those are for sodbusters. When I wore a hat, it was a J.B. Stetson. Boots? Gone are the Justins and Tony Lamas with roach-killer toes and riding heels. They've been replaced by low heeled ropers. Much more comfortable y'know.

All of this was disturbing to me, to say the least. The nagging feeling that something has changed has been with me for a while, but it finally hit me when I started buying Old Spice for my aftershave. At first I thought it was just me being frugal (read: cheap bastard) because everybody knows Old Spice is like $4.99 a quart whereas Chaps and Polo and all that other smelly crap is $14.99 a tablespoon.

But that wasn't it.

I have become an old fart.

And y'know what? It doesn't bother me at all. I'm ready to buy a fedora to wear with my liberty's and start carrying a pocketwatch and spend my free time hanging out at the cow sale with all the other old farts. I'm ready to embrace my inner old fart and become the Southern version of Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men .

"Hey! You damn kids turn off that loud music and get the hell outta my yard!"